The beginning to my H***

I guess just in case some does read this blog or any of my blogs, i should give a little bit of back story for my life.

The First thing i want to say is i do not post this for anyone to worry for my health to feel sorry for me....I do NOT want or wish for anyone to pity me, but just to understand. I choose to life my life this way.......And it is a choice for me.

I live every day with my disorder.......for the most part i am ok and no one knows, but there are time when i can not hide the true me from those that know and love me...they see that my bones are showing more and more. I am at a healthy weight, but to stay in my weight range, because of the bad habits i have used to get there, i can not just go to eating what most would see as normal. I am not bones, to some i am still a big girls, and in my mind i am still the 300lbs ugly worthless thing i was.........I am 150lbs and an american size 8......but yet, my life is ruled by numbers........i can not eat or drink anything with more than 80 calories.....i can not ever have more than 600 calories a day.

Why do i fight for such control over things......because this is the only thing i can control in my life. I work 16 hours a day, and i workout 4 hours every day.......i can never go back to that huge unwanted ugly person i was......


So to any and all who do read this......please dont worry.....there is really no need.......all i ask is you just understand that this is who i am without the walls to protect me......